D&C scheduled

So, after my numbers never got about 100, Dr. Heard wanted me to stop all of my Progesterone and Lovenox. Allison said if I don't start bleeding in a week to call them and they would redraw my labs. Well, I didn't so I called and went in for labs the next day. The crazy thing is that my HCG went from 95 to 878!!! There was a glimmer of hope. Then 2 days later I went in for an u/s and more labs. There was a sac measuring 2 weeks behind and my labs went to 1499. More hope!!! We went to Louisiana and watch LSU beat Alabama and went back to the doctor Monday morning. I was so nervous about this appt because I knew it would be the make or break appt. The sac measured exactly the same as it did on Friday. Dr. Heard said he wanted to see my HCG at least 3000 and if it didn't then we needed to start talking about a D&C again. I got a call that afternoon from Allison that my HCG only went to 2262. We scheduled my D&C for Friday, November 12th.

I'm ok, but sad. I never let myself get excited about this pregnancy and I hate that. I knew from the beginning that this was a possibility, but it never really hits you until they say those words..."we need to schedule a D&C."

Just once I would like to check in to the hospital and come out with a baby instead of an empty inside.

2 losses in 2 years...both in October

After getting several negative tests, I never started, so I decided to test one last time. I took a line test and thought I saw another negative, so I went back to bed for a little bit since I was sad. When I woke up, I had left the pregnancy test out. This time I saw a slight line, so I took a digital totally expecting to see "Not Pregnant", but I didn't!!! I couldn't believe it. I went to Dr. Heard's office that afternoon. He drew HCG, Progesterone, and Estrogen.

I got home from Dr. Heard's office and said to Matt, "I really hate it when you are right." He said "what?" as I'm smiling. I said, "you were right, you do have 'super sperm'." He laughed and said, "you're pregnant?!?!?"

I got a call the next day from Allison, Dr. Heard's nurse. She said, "Congrats, you're pregnant". But, she said that my progesterone was low so they were calling in medication for me to start right away. The pharmacy had to order it so I would start the next day.

After 2 lab draws, Allison called me back first thing the next day. She said, "we need you to come in ASAP to get a shot of Progesterone. I went in between my own patients. I was told I had to give myself injections of Progesterone. Matt called me while I was in the office and when he said, "Are you ok?" I started crying...I was so scared.

I went in every other day for lab work. But, instead of being excited to go in for lab work to see how this pregnancy was progressing, I was growing sadder and discouraged about the pregnancy not progressing as it is supposed to.

My HCG kept going up, very slowly, but Allison told me to go ahead and start taking Lovenox injections. Giving my first shot to myself was very strange.

At my last lab draw, Allison and I went in to the office. I asked what the plan was. She said if this lab didn't show a significant increase then I would stop all the progesterone and Lovenox. In my heart, I knew what the answer whould be. She called me that afternoon...it was over. My HCG never got above 100 when it should be in the thousands. She said, "this isn't a normal pregnancy."

I have since stopped all the extra medications and lab draws. Now I'm waiting to miscarry.

Rough Week

Thursday was the one year anniversary of losing our baby girl. I have also gotten negative pregnancy tests. It is so hard. It is so hard when you do everything right, try to pinpoint the exact time when you are the most fertile and you try...and fail. All I can do now is hope and pray and leave it in God's hands.

Sweet baby girl...we love you and think about you every day.

Faces of Loss, Faces of Hope

I have added my story of our loss to this website. It felt good to tell my whole story. Here is the link.

http://www.facesofloss.com/2010/09/allyson-mom-to-baby-jackson-october.html#more

Trying and waiting begins...

Since my surgery I have not had a "normal" cycle on my own. I've been on birth control, Estrogen and Progesterone since. My last cycle was a short one with NO ovulation. My Reproductive Endocrinologist (RE) is concerned and monitoring my follicles closely. This cycle (hormone free) seemed more normal to me, so I'm hoping that my body is starting to react on it's own.

I have started to take my temperatures in the morning and using ovulation predictor tests to make sure I am ovulating. If I don't, my RE wants to put me on Clomid...a drug used to induce ovulation. Matt is finally getting used to me having to go to frequent doctor visits, beeping thermometer on the weekends, and using all of the new medical terminology.

I'm only a couple of weeks from the year anniversary of losing our baby girl. Never thought I would have issues and have to wait so long for the baby I've longed for for so long!!!

FINALLY got some GOOD news!!!!

I had my hysteroscopy this morning. When I woke up Dr. Heard gave me the best news!!! He said, that where the fibroid was and he thought was irregular, was actually smooth with NO scar tissue. He did find that there was part of the septum still left over, so he removed it then.

I hope to only hear good news from here on out!!!

Another test, Another day...Still waiting

Well I had another HSG (xray with dye) on July 29th. Dr. Heard said, "your have an irregularity in your uterus. It is not healing like I had hoped." Where the fibroid was is not smooth like the other side. So, he put me on Estrogen for 2 weeks then he will do a Hysteroscopy this Wednesday to look at my uterus from the inside. He also mentioned "smoothing it out." So, this means I will have to wait even longer to try again. This wasn't what I wanted to hear....I was expecting, "you are healing great, you can start trying again!!!" So, it looks like we can't even try again until at least October, which is when we lost our little girl.

But on the brighter side. I'm an aunt!!! Ruby Jane LaBorde was born on July 21st and she already loves her aunt!!! Here we are!!!

Surgery Complete!!!!

My surgery was on June 3rd. It was supposed to a day surgery, but I ended up spending 2 nights in the hospital. Dr. Heard had to do a more extensive surgery to get the biggest fibroid out. He said it was almost the size of my uterus and took up my whole right side. With the septum in there, getting pregnant and/or staying pregnant would have been difficult. I had a Hysteroscopy with Laproscopy to remove my uterine septum. I had a Myomectomy to remove the fibroids. Now I have a 5-6in c-section scar. I will have to have c-sections with any future pregnancies.

When I woke up from the anesthesia, I freaked out because no one had talked to me yet about what went on, and I felt the huge dressing from one side of my abdomen, to the other. I asked the nurse who was taking care of me in recovery, "what did they do to me?"

I'm doing good. I can roll out of the bed on my own, but I still need help to get out of the reclining position. I will be out of work for 2 weeks and I can't drive until my follow-up appt this Monday.

Dr. Heard still only says I have to wait 2 months until we try again.

In honor of Mother's Day (a little late)

Mother's Day was a little tough....it would have been my first.

Surgery Scheduled

I met with the Reproductive Endocrinologist who will be doing my surgery to correct my uterus and remove my fibroids (if possible). We have scheduled surgery for May 19th. I will know a little more when I have my pre-surgical visit 2 days before.

He told me I should only have to wait one complete cycle before we try again...not 3 months like we thought!!! He will be following me until I get pregnant. He only wants to give me 6 months to try until we try something else.

Finally getting there!!!

They have finally decided that I have a Septate Uterus. It is completely split in two. I also have 3 fibroids, one being much, much larger than the other two. Monday I have an appointment with a Reproductive Endocrinologist/Infertility Physician who will hopefully be able to fix my uterine problems.

My OB/Gyn said best case senario is that we would have to wait 3 months after the surgery to try again. I'm just so happy that after all of my tests I finally have some answers and hopefully closer to having our own baby.

UGGGGHHHH...No Clear Answers!!!

The nurse called me on Monday to tell me that with my latest test, they were unable to tell what shape my uterus is. So, they STILL don't know which one it is!!! I'm mostly annoyed that when the nurse called she told me my doctor wanted to do a MRI....I already had one!!! So, she was supposed to get back to me...THAT DAY...2 days later I still have not heard back from them. I really hate that they cannot call me back to the point that I'm thinking about switching doctors again!!!

Today is exactly 6 months from the day our little girl was taken from me. I'm still so sad and scared. I feel like I keep getting knocked down. I know God has a plan for us.

SEPTATE UTERUS!!!

I finally found out that I have a Septate Uterus, not a Bicornuate Uterus like I thought. I have a complete split in my uterus. My doctor says it goes from the top to the bottom. So, the next step is ANOTHER test...this one is called a sonohysterogram http://www.ivf1.com/sonohysterogram/ This test will let us know if I need to have surgery or not. It all depends on where my fibroid is. My uterus shape is the one one the bottom row, all the way to the left.

I am taking it one step at a time...not asking too many questions or getting ahead of ourselves. Going from one test and one plan at a time. Just hoping and praying that we can have a child of our own.

Today was my due date.

I miss my sweet angel.

On Friday I went in for my HSG. It was painful, but the pain was pretty much gone when they were finished. I don't know if I'll find out the results before my follow-up appointment on the 23rd.

We went for the Genetic Counseling. They didn't tell us anything we didn't already know. We aren't doing any more testing.

I pray for my new doctor that she will know what is best for me. I pray that one day we will be blessed with a child of our own. I always wanted to be a mom and hope one day that dream will come true!!!

New Doctor!!!

Had a good appt with my new OB/Gyn. She went through my whole chart. We went over what the immediate plan would be. She put me on prescription strength Folic Acid (2 pills) and prescription prenatal vitamins. I will continue the Baby Aspirin.

She is taking a closer look at my uterus. I will go in on Wednesday for a ultrasound. Then in about a week or so, I will go in for a Hysterosalpingogram (HSG) ,http://www.webmd.com/infertility-and-reproduction/guide/hysterosalpingogram-21590 which is a fancy X-ray to look at my uterus.

Matt and I will also go for Genetic Counseling.

After all of that, she will see me again in 4 weeks to go over everything.

Kitchen Remodel

Before

After

Before

After

I had a dream about my beautiful baby girl

Friday night I had my first dream about my baby girl. She was not born alive, but I was holding her. She then opened her eyes and lifted her hand to my face. It was as if she was saying, "I'm ok Mommy." She was perfect, and had little Down Syndrome eyes, so I know it was my little angel. I woke up right after that.

She is in Heaven with Jesus now and that is all she'll ever know. She will not feel pain, ever be unhappy, or ever know struggles. She will be forever happy and safe in God's arms...until we get to meet her and hold her in our own arms.

I had to move my new doctor's appt. My new date is Feb. 22nd. I will update then.

I was talking to the new chief of the Texas Children's Down Syndrome and Spina Bifida clinic. She could not believe that my old doctor did not put me on a prescription Folic Acid. She told me I should be taking 3 times what is in an OTC prenatal vitamin because she did not want to see me in the clinic as a mother of one of her patients. So, until I go to my new doctor, I have to take 8 pills of OTC Folic Acid.

This week is the my first full week of "normal" hours. I love it so far!!! It is so nice to be around kids who you can talk to you, smile at you, and are not in pain or really, really sick.

We are in the process of redoing our kitchen. Out with the linoleum floor, formica counter tops, and ugly honey colored cabinets. I will post pictures when we are done.

Your Hands

I've been very sad the last couple of days. It may because I'm getting closer and closer to my due date and I wish so much that we would be able to meet our daughter soon. This song helps me to remember that my life is in Gods Hands and He is in control. My cousin April told me about this song.

Appointment made to see a new doctor!!!

It has been almost a month since my last post...that is because I have no new information to share!!! Why, because my doctor has not called me with my final MRI report, and I don't know the baby's pathology report.

So, today, I made an appt. with a new OB/Gyn. This is the new group I'm going to. http://www.womenspecialists.com/Home/tabid/36/Default.aspx They are right across the street from my hospital, and when the new Texas Children's Maternity Center is complete (also right across the street), they will be there. And the best part is that since they now deliver at St. Lukes's and soon to be the new Texas Children's Maternity Center, when we do get pregnant and deliver, my stay and the baby's stay will be FREE!!!

This is my new doctor. http://www.womenspecialists.com/OurTeam/WandaThortonMottMD/tabid/73/Default.aspx When I read her bio, I started to cry. She listed almost every one of my problems. I know she can help me!!!

My appt. is February 8th. That is the soonest they can see me. I will let you all know how it goes!!!

To watch the video of the new Texas Children's Maternity Center. http://vision2010.texaschildrens.org/maternity_center.html click on the last box under the video for an overview of the new facility and what it looks like.

This is what the new Texas Children's Maternity Center will look like. The bridge will go over the street to connect it to the main hospital, and clinical building.