The Stillborn Child

I received one of the most thoughtful gifts in the mail today from Angela Cannon Hebert, who I went to high school with and haven't seen since our 10 year reunion over 7 years ago. She sent me a book entitled, "Grieving the Child I Never Knew". She also sent a poem I would like to share. It made me cry and is perfect for me.

The Stillborn Child

by Francine M. O'Oonnor

A Soul within my very own Soul

From human love was conceived.

Pride of possession consumed me then,

"This child is mine," I believed.

Oh, I knew she was Yours from the very start,

That You had every right to her soul.

But I forgot for a little while, Lord,

That the future was Yours to control.

I felt her within me and loved her so,

And I had so very much planned.

But You had plans that were greater still

When You held her life in Your hands.

I knew not her life, yet I mourn her death,

I have lost what was never mine.

Please help me, Lord, to understand

And to accept your will devine.

And as time goes on and dulls the pain,

May the lesson I've learned shine through.

That every child I hold close to my heart

Is a soul that belongs to You.

Thank you Angela, this meant a lot to me!!

Some answers...still so hard!!

I found out 2 weeks ago, after some blood work from me, that I have 2 different disorders. One is called Beta 2 Glycoprotein Antibody and Methylenetetrahydrofolate reductase (MTHFR). I'm still unsure about what either one of those are. The Beta 2 Glycoprotein was redrawn this Friday while I'm not pregnant to compare to the previous one. The MTHFR, my doctor didn't seemed concerned about it. It was suggested to me to start taking a baby aspirin by the physician who did my D&E, but my regular OB didn't really see the need, but she also said it wouldn't hurt. I could be on a blood thinner injection with future pregnancies. I have so many more questions that didn't get answered or I forgot to ask. I will be do more research and writing down more questions for my next visit.

We found out this Friday that our baby girl had Down Syndrome. Our poor baby had many things against her. Knowing this DOES NOT make it better that we lost our baby. We still lost OUR child...we loved her no matter what.

My doctor is also in the works to schedule me a MRI of my uterus and fibroids to see if surgical intervention is needed.

We are still waiting for many answers. I took off of work for 2 more weeks for emotional recovering. I work with newborns and not ready for that yet. Some people don't know that we lost our baby. Yesterday at the U of H football game, a couple (the wife was pregnant) ask Matt if we knew if we are having a boy or a girl. Matt had to tell them we lost our baby...I had to walk away.

I ordered a frame to put our baby's profile from the ultrasound...it's the only picture I have of her. I will post a picture of it when I get it.