2 losses in 2 years...both in October

After getting several negative tests, I never started, so I decided to test one last time. I took a line test and thought I saw another negative, so I went back to bed for a little bit since I was sad. When I woke up, I had left the pregnancy test out. This time I saw a slight line, so I took a digital totally expecting to see "Not Pregnant", but I didn't!!! I couldn't believe it. I went to Dr. Heard's office that afternoon. He drew HCG, Progesterone, and Estrogen.

I got home from Dr. Heard's office and said to Matt, "I really hate it when you are right." He said "what?" as I'm smiling. I said, "you were right, you do have 'super sperm'." He laughed and said, "you're pregnant?!?!?"

I got a call the next day from Allison, Dr. Heard's nurse. She said, "Congrats, you're pregnant". But, she said that my progesterone was low so they were calling in medication for me to start right away. The pharmacy had to order it so I would start the next day.

After 2 lab draws, Allison called me back first thing the next day. She said, "we need you to come in ASAP to get a shot of Progesterone. I went in between my own patients. I was told I had to give myself injections of Progesterone. Matt called me while I was in the office and when he said, "Are you ok?" I started crying...I was so scared.

I went in every other day for lab work. But, instead of being excited to go in for lab work to see how this pregnancy was progressing, I was growing sadder and discouraged about the pregnancy not progressing as it is supposed to.

My HCG kept going up, very slowly, but Allison told me to go ahead and start taking Lovenox injections. Giving my first shot to myself was very strange.

At my last lab draw, Allison and I went in to the office. I asked what the plan was. She said if this lab didn't show a significant increase then I would stop all the progesterone and Lovenox. In my heart, I knew what the answer whould be. She called me that afternoon...it was over. My HCG never got above 100 when it should be in the thousands. She said, "this isn't a normal pregnancy."

I have since stopped all the extra medications and lab draws. Now I'm waiting to miscarry.

Rough Week

Thursday was the one year anniversary of losing our baby girl. I have also gotten negative pregnancy tests. It is so hard. It is so hard when you do everything right, try to pinpoint the exact time when you are the most fertile and you try...and fail. All I can do now is hope and pray and leave it in God's hands.

Sweet baby girl...we love you and think about you every day.