Now even more confused!!!

Today my OB called me to tell me the MRI I had of my uterus was NORMAL?!?!? She is having the Radiologist who diagnosed me originally by ultrasound to read the MRI. I know this is wrong because not only did my very first ultrasound show the abnormal shaped uterus, but the high risk OB said that I have either a Bicornuate or a Septate uterus as soon as he started my U/S without me having to tell him.

I have compound heterozygous MTHFR mutations. Which means I have one copy of each mutation. My OB asked me if I wanted to see a Hematologist...I told her YES...esp. since she doesn't seemed concerned about it. I want to make sure we are doing everything we need to. I will probably make an appt. after January when my new insurance kicks in.

Matt's good news: He started a new job!!! He is at a new radio station in a new time slot...the morning show...6am-10am...the best time slot!!! But, it's sooooooo early!!! Not good for us late owls...but we'll work it out. He is so much happier now. He is working side by side with one of his best friends. My favorite part is that it is more money...hehe!!!

The Stillborn Child

I received one of the most thoughtful gifts in the mail today from Angela Cannon Hebert, who I went to high school with and haven't seen since our 10 year reunion over 7 years ago. She sent me a book entitled, "Grieving the Child I Never Knew". She also sent a poem I would like to share. It made me cry and is perfect for me.

The Stillborn Child

by Francine M. O'Oonnor

A Soul within my very own Soul

From human love was conceived.

Pride of possession consumed me then,

"This child is mine," I believed.

Oh, I knew she was Yours from the very start,

That You had every right to her soul.

But I forgot for a little while, Lord,

That the future was Yours to control.

I felt her within me and loved her so,

And I had so very much planned.

But You had plans that were greater still

When You held her life in Your hands.

I knew not her life, yet I mourn her death,

I have lost what was never mine.

Please help me, Lord, to understand

And to accept your will devine.

And as time goes on and dulls the pain,

May the lesson I've learned shine through.

That every child I hold close to my heart

Is a soul that belongs to You.

Thank you Angela, this meant a lot to me!!

Some answers...still so hard!!

I found out 2 weeks ago, after some blood work from me, that I have 2 different disorders. One is called Beta 2 Glycoprotein Antibody and Methylenetetrahydrofolate reductase (MTHFR). I'm still unsure about what either one of those are. The Beta 2 Glycoprotein was redrawn this Friday while I'm not pregnant to compare to the previous one. The MTHFR, my doctor didn't seemed concerned about it. It was suggested to me to start taking a baby aspirin by the physician who did my D&E, but my regular OB didn't really see the need, but she also said it wouldn't hurt. I could be on a blood thinner injection with future pregnancies. I have so many more questions that didn't get answered or I forgot to ask. I will be do more research and writing down more questions for my next visit.

We found out this Friday that our baby girl had Down Syndrome. Our poor baby had many things against her. Knowing this DOES NOT make it better that we lost our baby. We still lost OUR child...we loved her no matter what.

My doctor is also in the works to schedule me a MRI of my uterus and fibroids to see if surgical intervention is needed.

We are still waiting for many answers. I took off of work for 2 more weeks for emotional recovering. I work with newborns and not ready for that yet. Some people don't know that we lost our baby. Yesterday at the U of H football game, a couple (the wife was pregnant) ask Matt if we knew if we are having a boy or a girl. Matt had to tell them we lost our baby...I had to walk away.

I ordered a frame to put our baby's profile from the ultrasound...it's the only picture I have of her. I will post a picture of it when I get it.

Wednesday, October 14, 2009

Yesterday, October 14, 2009 was the day our baby was taken from me. We found out it was a girl.

The day before was the second day of dilation. We had to go back to the doctor's office to do this. It was the worst day. I was in so much pain the second they inserted the dilator in me. I threw up with the pain. They gave me a prescription for Vicodin, but it would take too long to get and for it to take affect, so they gave me a shot of Fentanyl and Toradol and said I should feel much relief in about 5 minutes....I never did. On the way home I took a Vicodin. It was only after an Anaprox, shot of Fentanyl and Toradol, and 2 Vicodins and 7 hours later did I feel enough relief to get out of the bed.

Yesterday and today has been ok pain wise. I got Pitocin, what they give to ladies to induce labor. I am also on an oral medication to make me have contractions to help control the bleeding. So, I only have occasional cramping pains...I guess this is what Braxton Hicks contractions might feel like?

I have received some beautiful flowers from friends...I have the best friends!!! Matt, my parents, and Kristy has taken great care of me. Lacy drove down from Austin to be with me yesterday and Matt's family came over for dinner last night and brought a Maggie Moo's ice cream cake.

Nights seem to be the hardest. It is when I lay in the bed and it's quiet that I have a chance to think about what has happened in our lives. I know God has a plan for us, but it's still so hard to think about losing this baby girl and what great plans and things we had for her.

Update

Today was my first visit to begin the process of "evacuation." It was a sad morning. I didn't want to go knowing the doctor would give me something to help me dilate and I would have to do this...with medication...at home...it's not supposed to be this way!!! I already have cramps.

I go back tomorrow (Tuesday) for more medication to dilate me, then we go in on Wednesday for the procedure.

I'm so sad. I'm so sad that my poor baby died 2 weeks before I even knew. I'm sad that I was waiting to find out what it was and now it may be too late to find out. I'm sad that we didn't decide what we wanted his/her name to be. I get sad when I see a pregnant girl and wishing so bad that that was me. I'm sad that we will never get to see or meet our sweet baby.

I want to thank all of my friends, family and my WONDERFUL husband Matt for their love, support and prayers. I couldn't do this without you!!!

Gone, but not forgotten (October 9, 2009)

We lost our little baby without us even knowing it.

On Friday, October 2nd I got a call from my OB/Gyn that some lab work came back abnormal for Spina Bifida and Down Syndrome and suggested we get an amniocentesis. She thought that it was strange that they both came back so abnormal and told me it may be something weird going on with me and that it was probably a false positive. She said she would be more concerned if only one came back so abnormal. The earliest appt. was yesterday, October 9th. Matt took off of work and my mom and dad drove to Houston for the test, but we were still positive everything was fine. When my high risk OB placed the probe on my belly, I knew something was wrong....our baby wasn't moving and I didn't see a heart beat. The doctor made a few measurements without saying anything and then I said, "Is the baby not moving?" He scooted back from the ultra sound machine and said, "I'm so sorry, but no, it's not moving. Your baby is gone." I started crying.

Right now I go in and out of sadness. I could not sleep last night and cried most of the night. It was hard laying in the bed with silence. I couldn't stop thinking about it...I kept picturing our baby on the monitor inside of me not moving...our poor helpless baby. Matt held me all night. Tonight I will try sleeping with Tylenol PM.

Monday I go to a doctor referred by both my high risk and my regular OB/Gyn to give me a medication to make me dilate over night. Then on Tuesday they will take the baby. That's all I know right now.

Thank you all for your kind words and prayers. I love you all!!!

Moving Right Along

Had an appt. with my regular OB today. It was just a normal visit. Got to hear the heart beat. "Sparky", as we are affectionately calling the baby now, was a little stubborn and didn't want us to hear it for a while, but we finally found it.

Looks like a REAL baby!!!

Here is the profile of our baby's face. The line you see is the spine, move up from there and you will see the chin, little nose, forehead...see it?

This one is kinda a 3D. You can see the round head with the arms up close to the face, then the legs curled up.

My high risk appt. went well. It was really cool to actually see hands and face and watch it move. The heart rate was 162, which is good. The measurement for the Down Syndrome test was good. I did some lab work for further testing, so we'll see. He (high risk OB) wants to see me again in 6 weeks. I see my regular OB in 2 weeks. He still was not able to tell which type of uterus shape I have.

He wanted to know if I wanted to know what it was. Since Matt couldn't go, I said NO. I can't believe he could already tell at 13 weeks....That's amazing!!!

Bicornuate vs Septate Uterus

So far they are not sure which one I have, but these are the two types that it could be:

Many, many people get pregnant and have healthy babies. I am very optimistic that things will go well. Hopefully I will have an ultrasound picture to show everyone after my appt. on Tuesday, September 1st!!!

High Risk OB appointment

I got an appointment to see a high risk OB on September 1st. I hear he is one of the best in Houston!!! When asked, he is the one everyone tells me I should see. This appointment would be to test for Down Syndrome and other chromosomal abnormalities. I also hope to discuss my uterus shape more and get more information about it and what it means for me and the baby. Here is a website explaining the test. http://www.babycenter.com/0_nuchal-translucency-screening_118.bc

August 18, 2009

Had our 2nd appointment today. Matt and I got to hear the baby's strong heart beat!!!

My doctor found that my uterus is an abnormal shape. It is heart shaped instead of pear shaped. So, I will be followed and monitored closely. This means I am at risk for preterm labor, small birth weight, breech birth with a possible C-section.

My next doctor's appointment is September 14th.

First Ultrasound

We're having a baby!!!

Positive Test - June 28, 2009