Gone, but not forgotten (October 9, 2009)

We lost our little baby without us even knowing it.

On Friday, October 2nd I got a call from my OB/Gyn that some lab work came back abnormal for Spina Bifida and Down Syndrome and suggested we get an amniocentesis. She thought that it was strange that they both came back so abnormal and told me it may be something weird going on with me and that it was probably a false positive. She said she would be more concerned if only one came back so abnormal. The earliest appt. was yesterday, October 9th. Matt took off of work and my mom and dad drove to Houston for the test, but we were still positive everything was fine. When my high risk OB placed the probe on my belly, I knew something was wrong....our baby wasn't moving and I didn't see a heart beat. The doctor made a few measurements without saying anything and then I said, "Is the baby not moving?" He scooted back from the ultra sound machine and said, "I'm so sorry, but no, it's not moving. Your baby is gone." I started crying.

Right now I go in and out of sadness. I could not sleep last night and cried most of the night. It was hard laying in the bed with silence. I couldn't stop thinking about it...I kept picturing our baby on the monitor inside of me not moving...our poor helpless baby. Matt held me all night. Tonight I will try sleeping with Tylenol PM.

Monday I go to a doctor referred by both my high risk and my regular OB/Gyn to give me a medication to make me dilate over night. Then on Tuesday they will take the baby. That's all I know right now.

Thank you all for your kind words and prayers. I love you all!!!